Marik's Unpleasant Encounter
by RiddlePanda
Summary: My first humor fic. Not much of a plot really. I just really like to torture Marik. Rated for foul language, minor sexual themes, and substance use( even though it wasn't intended)


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Marik's Unpleasant Encounter

Bakura: Okay, I am working on another Marik sob story but I have writer's block right now and have decided to rewrite a story I made a few months back. By the way, I know this is really corny, compared to my other beginning notes, but since this story is funny, I don't have to be funny here. And also, I have read my reviews and there are some that want sequels to some stories and I must tell everyone this and now. I write the whole story on my computer before I post it so I don't do a chapter system. There are some stories that will have sequels and some that will not. I don't know which since I usually get my ideas in stories I get. Like this story for instance, was a strange dream I had after Ryou gave me some chocolate for the first time. 

And now I present Marik's Unpleasant Encounter

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh. The one who does is Yugi, his hikari. Heh, Heh, in their world. In this sad little world Kazuki Takahashi does. Hail Takahashi-san!!!!! I also don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Sailor Moon, the "Shaft" line from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, or Britney Spears. 

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With the Battle City Tournament over, things got back to the way they were. The best thing about the whole situation was that Marik and the rest of the Egyptian brood was going to stay in Domino since their mission to the Pharaoh was over. However, since Marik was only sixteen, he would have to go to school. And of course, Marik didn't know how different his newly made friends acted when not under pressure…

Teacher: Okay class, this is Marik Ishtar. He's joining us from Egypt. Say "hello" class.

Class: Hello. (unenthused) 

Teacher: Anyway, uh, you can sit by Mr. Bakura over there. 

(Marik sits down by Ryou.)

Ryou: Bastard.

Marik: What was that?

Ryou: You heard what I said. I hate your fucking guts you monkey fucker.

Marik: I've never heard you cuss like that before. Why do you hate me?

Ryou: Hey Joey! Joey, quit licking your balls and talk to me!

Joey: (stops licking two marble sized chocolate balls) What do you want, Bakura? Can't you see I'm trying to eat my breakfast?

Ryou: That's not the only thing you want for breakfast. (glares at Seto) Anyway, the great stupid wonder wants to know why I hate him.

Joey: He does, does he? Well, Marik meet all of us at lunch on the roof and we'll tell you.

3 hours later…

Marik: Now that I'm here, what do you want to tell me about hating me?

Ryou: Oh, you're still talking about that? I've decided to forgive you.

Marik: Oh, well thanks.

Joey: Yeah, besides, I'd rather do some Tea bashing.

Marik: Tea bashing?

Joey: Yeah, that's when you make fun of Tea until she gets pissed off and leaves. Just wait until she comes up here.

Tea: Hi guys!

Ryou: Oh, Ra! What is that smell? My nose is burning! The evil stench! It's…oh it's you Tea.

Tea: You're so funny, Ryou.

Joey: Well, if he's funny, then you must be a stupid, slutty, bitch.

Tea: Joey, why do you always make fun of me? You know, all of us are friends and in order… (continues her speech, but I will not torment you with it)

Tristan: Is she doing one of her friendship preaches again? Me and Serenity were trying to make out and we kept hearing this high pitched squeaking sound.

Serenity: How can she do all that talking without taking a breath?

Yugi: It's because she's not human! She's a vampire! Die vampire bitch! (stabs Tea with a stake. She dies.)

Ryou: Uh Yugi, I don't think Tea was a vampire. You've been watching Buffy again haven't you?

Yugi: Yes. (hangs his head.) 

Joey: Oh well. Now we have an opening in our gang and I know just the person to join.

Tristan: Joey, dude, Britney Spears is not going to fucking join our group! How many times do I have to tell you!

Joey: No, not Britney Spears! Marik. (points to Marik)

Yugi: Weren't you the guy that tried to kill me?

Marik: (sweat drop) No, that was my dark side. I'm the one that helped you when you were fighting my dark self.

Yugi: Oh okay. Welcome to our gang. 

(Weevil and Rex come running up.)

Weevil: Insect Inspector!

Rex: Dino Dude!

(they leave as suddenly as they appear)

Marik: What the…?

Yugi: Don't worry, they're on drugs.

Marik: Oh, okay.

(a girl with long blonde hair in pigtails comes up)

Serena: Hi! I'm Serena and I'm from Tokyo and I was sent…

Yugi: Vampire!

(Yugi stabs Serena.)

Ryou: Yugi, that was Serena!

Yugi: (blank stare)

Ryou: You just killed Sailor Moon!

Yugi: Oops, I did it again.

Joey: Britney?! Where!?

Seto: Calm down puppy! Britney isn't here!

Joey: Don't call me puppy, dragon ass!

Seto: I love it when you talk dirty to me.

Joey: Ahhhhh! (sits down and starts crying)

Ryou: Seto, don't you remember that we told you NOT to mess with Joey's head like that!

Seto: Sorry, but it can't be helped. I'm not that innocent.

Joey: Britney?! Where!?

Tristan: She is NOT here! Get it through your thick skull or I'll kill you!

Joey: (looks at Tristan tenderly) Promise? ( makes puppy dog eyes)

Tristan: Eww! Quit! You know that grosses me out!

Seto: It may gross you out but it turns me on. Besides, at least you have a chance with me.

Joey: Oh, thanks a lot. That's a lot coming from a guy who takes Shaft as opposed to being Shaft.

Seto: Uh-huh. I don't hear you complaining nightly.

Marik: Uh, guys, you are really starting to scare me.

Ryou: Oh we are? Well, when we're not under pressure, we tend to get a little kinky.

Marik: D…define kinky.

Ryou: (begins massaging Marik's shoulders) Come on. Don't tell me you've never had urges.

(Marik whips around and steps back from everybody)

Marik: What's wrong with you guys!?

Yugi: Nothing, it's just that…Vampire! (stabs Buffy. She dies.)

Ryou: You killed Buffy, you fucking jackass!

(Meanwhile, Marik begins to sidle to the door to get away from his demented friends)

Joey: Where are YOU going?

Marik: Eep! Nowhere!

Joey: Good, cause we're not done with you yet. In fact, it's time to duel if you know what I mean.

Seto: Don't worry we'll be gentle.

Yugi: Vampire! (stabs Britney Spears)

Joey:…Bri…Britney…YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!!! YOU KILLED THE MOTHER OF MY CHILDREN!!!!!! YOU ARE SO FUCKING DEAD!!!!!!!!!!

(Joey runs over to Yugi and begins to kick the crap out of him. The others try to stop this. Marik, eyes now off of him, makes his escape and runs home)

Marik: Ishizu, I'm home!

Ishizu: So soon? What's wrong?

Marik: Yugi and everyone else were trying to…Have you been drinking?

Ishizu: No. Just this orange soda. (holds up bottle)

Marik: That's orange stove cleaner.

Ishizu: No wonder I have a strange twang all over my body. (passes out)

Marik: Help me.

Odeon: Hey Marik, Some friends are here to see you.

Joey, Yugi, Ryou, Seto, and Tristan: Hey Marik!

Marik: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! (jumps out the window. Too bad it's only two feet down.) Ow.

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Bakura: Okay, so it sucks. I can't really write funny stuff anymore. So sue me. (not literally)

Just…please review.


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